I don’t feel like eating. I’ve gained 8 lbs. I’m so upset. Anything I do eat today will just be spat back up. That’s a chore, I’m lazy, so I think I am not eating. I have 15 lbs to lose, and I really just need to do it. I’m giving my exercise a rest, my knees are going bad. I’m so tired.
Okay I am not going to purge for the next 3 days. I mean it this time. I feel so sick, nothing I eat has flavor (I suspect the stomach acid might have something to do with burning away my taste buds), my teeth hurt, it hurts to swallow, I am ACTUALLY getting Russell’s sign (never had it before), and my face feels swollen and tender. It’s like all my years of purging’s symptoms have come to a head in the last two weeks. I need to give myself a rest. I know it will be hard but I’ve gone as long as 2 months without it, I can go 3 days.
More Cadbury eggs, purge, throat is not working, takes forever just to get a little bit of a gag, and all that came out was last night’s salad (????????????????????). This always happens to me. Everything comes out, out of order, and I don’t know why. I literally always vomit within 5 minutes of having eaten, and something I ate HOURS ago will still be there. I mean, I don’t even know if it was the salad that was coming out because there were random little red things, it looked like pico salsa and I am trying to think of what I ate yesterday that looked like that but there is nothing. The salad I——-OHHHH, IT WAS THE QUINOA SALAD WHICH I ATE AT 11:45 LAST NIGHT. THEN I ATE CADBURY EGGS, THEN I ATE A LETTUCE SALAD, THEN I DRANK A BUNCH OF WATER, THEN I WENT TO SLEEP, WOKE UP, ATE MORE CADBURY EGGS, DRANK MORE WATER, PUKED UP THE QUINOA. Jesus. Fucked up stomach, the cadburies probably got absorbed faster. Anyway, I now feel extremely nauseated. Not sure why, but I feel like I am going to faint, and I keep randomly throwing up small bits (tbsps at a time), and I have really bad acid reflux. I need to buck up and leave the house though because I have shit to do today. No more eating today, I have gained 5 lbs, I am so disgusted with myself. I probably have to do a good 90 minutes on the elliptical tonight.
It’s okay, right? One day of eating won’t kill me. I’m okay.
I am eating dinner and not purging it. Okay.
Didn’t even bring it all up. Tired. Too tired I need to go to bed. I was supposed to go to sleep, I was supposed to just drink some tea and go to bed. Sleep is the only relief. This needs to stop.
Blaaaahhhhhhhhhh I’m such a killjoy sorry.
I’m so tired I am at school maybe I should just get it over with here.